Mitti-ka-Sher

Identification Card

2010-11-21T17:03:00.000+05:30

Most of us wear I-cards at work. What are the different body locations have you seen people hanging I-cards at?

Neck, 95 out of hundred times...
Pocket of our pants/jeans, the remaining times...

Correct?

Now, what about this guy? I spotted him at work... you find him right in the middle of the picture...

Any arguments for his case?

See You

2010-11-08T00:49:00.002+05:30

Happy New Year

2010-10-28T00:25:00.001+05:30

Neither do I.

Public School

2010-10-15T11:36:00.000+05:30

Looking for wholesomeness in education of your kids?

Assy

2010-10-02T20:02:00.000+05:30

What does it mean?

I don't know either. Assembly? Maybe.

Rider on Divider

2010-09-10T04:23:00.003+05:30

Haha! I love it.

For those who don't me, I love making fun of people. Especially the ones who act really smart and all.

For those who don't know me, I hate people flouting rules. Especially the ones who can be found on our roads. Here's a proof!

Okay, now what happens when the above two situations combine? Of course, it means that someone is a. acting smart and b. while flouting some rule on the road.

On the way to Noida, just before Kalindikunj, right under the Apollo flyover, I saw this guy. Needless to say, he was meeting the two conditions mentioned above.

He was trying to get on the other side of the road by riding the bike right over the divider (lazy b****** did not want to take a u-turn, the usual way).

Now, he made a serious error of judgement. The divider, though looked harmless and broken, had his bike entangled atop. And, the guy got stuck! He could not move forward... nor could he move backward. The bike was stuck. Stuck.

Must tell you, the sight, for me, was far prettier than any of the mountains you might want to talk about. Oh, I so loved his condition. And, what did I do then, is the question.

Well, I stopped right in front of him and started... well... err... yaaa... clicking!

He stared at me, but I was... well... err... yaaa... clicking! And I didnt give a damn to him. Loved it!

Ass!

Nay Burrr Lee

2010-08-21T11:19:00.000+05:30

You might want to say what's the big deal about this one? But come to think of it, most of my stuff is small deal only.

I clicked a couple of pics in my gym. The gym owner has been renovating since last few days and has gotten done, till now, some flooring (not wooden I know), some paintjob, some air conditioning, and some couple of hundred photo frames or laminated photos whatever you call it. Of course these photos are of body builders and all. The idea is to motivate us, am sure.

One of these photos is of Mr. India, 2009. No big deal.

But, the name of this guy is very intriguing I think.... especially for the competition and the title. I mean to say... I think he should have been banned from participating in Mr. India because of his name.

Maybe he should have been rejected in the first round and clearly told he could not participate in Mr. India Competition unless he changed his name.

Anyways, he won the competition (grrrr). I think that is a strong sign of our friendly intentions toward our neighbors. Not sure.

But still... is it ok this way?

What if, tomorrow:

-Mr. Pakistan is a guy called Bangladesh Sen?
-Mr. China is someone called Sri Lanka Kumar?
-Mr. Afghanistan is someone called Bhutan Wangchuk?

Errrr!

Wanted Hard... With a Little Soft

2010-08-07T13:37:00.000+05:30

Hardware is different and software is different; isn't it?

Located outside an IT company's office in Kalkaji, I saw this requirement. Now, it sounded funny when I read it initially. However, must confess, it is not really that weird/funny a requirement.

What's your take?

Between... this post can also act as a job source. Please contact the poor guys if you're interested.

Do send me my cut for the information.

Thirty, And Hand Wash if Dirty

2010-07-17T13:11:00.003+05:30

Do you remember reading instructions like 'Machine Wash Only' or 'Wash in Cold Water' or 'Hand Wash' etc etc etc? Where'd you find such instructions?

Ahhh! That's a no-brainer, really. These are pretty common instructions on clothes tags. The tags even tell us about the country the item of clothing was made... and even the size.

So, basically, the tags give good amount of info; right? Okay, next question, what would you do if you wanted to pass on this info to others?

'Why would I want to pass on this info', you may ask... and 'generally... for the purpose of this post', I'd say.

Gosh. Am I confusing you? Ok - this guy wanted to share the information on the innner tag of his gym pant... and he'd find an innovative way to do it.

I am wondering if he was showing his waist size... maybe a tribute to the gym... or maybe am thinking too much into it.

I almost got into trouble for clicking the photos. The gym owner started to think too much into it.

And this guy looked very strong... so I had to be extra careful doing this.

Sorry for the poor quality of pics @ trembling hands.

Neither Real kNORr Chicken

2010-06-22T15:20:00.004+05:30

You guys are fools!! After all, only fools would care for 'fake' chicken.

It's been some years now that packet soups have become a part of our lives. Just cut open, pour the contents in boiling water... and stir. These soups come from different companies and in different flavors and varieties.

Ok! So, this post of mine is about the 'chicken' variety.

Did you know, all these years, the chicken in our packet soup was fake?

I am so bloody thankful to Knorrs... because:

a) They have revealed that it was not real chicken whenever and wherever such claims were being made...

b) They have finally decided to give us the taste of real chicken...

I wonder how it'll taste... because am so used to tasting that fake lump of @@@@ that I thought was chicken.

Thanks Knorr. Atleast, I can die peacefully... having known that I did manage to eat real chicken while I was alive.

How Convenient

2010-06-07T00:21:00.000+05:30

Okay! What is the easiest way of naming something? Think of the most convenient way. Think, please.

On the way to the Bhagsu falls (Himachal Pradesh), I saw a cafe right between two mountains. The name of the cafe is the precise reason you're reading this.

The one thing I have learnt from my Bhagsu trip is that not everything needs a name. Take a look, for example, at the board for the cafe.

Kya khaoge?

The Twisted Loyalty

2010-05-26T00:04:00.001+05:30

Mind it! I am not trying to force the issue. The photo does not represent a momentary pose. This dog stayed like this for more than half an hour.

Why? I think:

1. The dog has spent it's life in a very poor family... with a very small home... with very limited space... and is used to being this way... making the best use of real estate...

2. The dog has not been given the 'do ghoonth zindagi ki' polio vaccination.

3. The dog wants to flaunt the fair part of it's skin.

...

Ummmm... can't be more absurd. What do you think?

To Be Hung Till Death

2010-05-13T12:55:00.001+05:30

This seems to be a common scene.

I was driving to some place in Okhla. Midway, I saw this guy who had been sentenced "to be hung till death".

Confused? Well, let me spill it out for you. This guy hadn't done anything to receive the sentence. Apparently, the right half of his butt had done something miserable... and IT WAS THIS BUTT that was sentenced "to be hung till death".

This guy could not keep his two halves together anymore, as I figured.

The right half had to keep hanging forever.

If you're wondering what's wrong... I think it is that carrier box!

Note: hung is used for inanimate objects... hanged for living beings.

An Able Convertible

2010-04-16T03:30:00.000+05:30

Presenting before you, the first Indian convertible.

This is indeed a moment of great pride. We have spent so many decades looking at foreign convertibles... dreaming of owning them... and seeing them driven away!

But... the time has changed. Here's what now belongs to us - A convertible with a soft top, retractable roof, 0 cc, completely manual, three-tyred, and licence free (driver needs no licence).

IntelliDog

2010-04-07T01:27:00.003+05:30

The pic for this post has been contributed by my buddy Koustav Mukherjee. His newbie blog stands tall at http://koustuff.blogspot.com/ Thanks KM!
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Kya yehi tameez sikhai hai aap ke maalik ne?

Do you own a pet? A doggie? One of my friend's friend does. The dog's name is Yoda, and this post is about him.

Yoda comes across as a very learned dog... and does not seem to trouble his adopters. He has been well educated... is well mannered... and knows how to get what he wants. The best thing about Yoda is that he does not bother the owners. Thirsty? No problem! Yoda knows what to do.

Refreshing H2O?

The Doomed Floor

2010-04-02T01:39:00.000+05:30

It's weird.

I live in a building that supports 11 floors. No, that's definitely not weird. So... what is?

Well, the aunties on the first floor lodged a police complaint on phone today. Why?

- Their kids never came back from school.
- Moreover, their husbands didn't return from work.
- To add to this... during this period of sorrow... they did not have a single visitor to console them. Forget their homes... there wasn't a single visitor to the whole floor.
- Even the cleaners/sabjiwallas/kaamwaalis went truant.

The above information makes it quite apparent that things were pretty bad there. Well... the story still doesn't end. Even the policemen didn't turn up!

What the fuck was happening... I wanted to know. I decided to visit them... and so I got into the lift...

Wait... I soon realized. O shit!

Mask the Right to Ask

2010-03-24T15:39:00.000+05:30

I like the fact that our government has prohibited sale of tobacco and similar products to minors. Good work!

Yesterday, at Lajpat Nagar, I was boiling in the sun. I desperately wanted water, so I ran to the nearest shop in vicinity. At the shop, this board sat happily among other products.

Isn't this a bit strange? Why can't I ask? You don't want to sell... that's your problem!

Have you seen the movie Khosla ka Ghosla? Somewhere in the movie, is the dialog "yahaaaa... peshaab karna mana hai... O kamaaal hai yaar; yaha peshaab karne thodi na aaye hai.."

I had similar thoughts... kamaal hai... mai toh paani khareedne hi gaya tha.

Kitne Kilo?

2010-03-15T15:50:00.004+05:30

There is a sudden surge in the followers for this blog... and that makes me really happy.

This time I don't have a misspelled word... thankfully.

I was driving in my kaloni (colony) when I passed something that made me take a U-turn. The vella that I am, I did so... and came back to check what it was all about.

It was a shop... a usual seller... selling towels... which is pretty usual too. However, there was something unusual. Here's the pic. You see exactly as I saw it.

Do you see anything unusual in here? These are just usual towels... painted, colored, printed... whatever you call it.

Now - the point. What is that weighing machine (balance) doing in the middle?

I realized that the towels were being sold in Kgs and not in numbers. That's very weird, I think.

"Bhaiya, dhai kilo peela wala towel dijiye na"

PS: The shop sold only towels, so do not think the weighing machine was for some other item they stocked.

Italian Sambar

2010-03-09T10:32:00.001+05:30

You like Italian? Pasta, pizza and et cetra? I lke it too.

I was at the Surajkund Mela recently when I saw a new Italian dish. At first, I could not believe it was marked 'Italian'. That's because I always used to think Sambar was Indian. I mean we all grew up eating Dosas, Sambars, and Idlis; did we ever think our beloved Sambar came in the Italian variety too?

Here's what I saw - The Italian Sambar... Italy Sambar I should say. Thirty bucks only/-

Overcooling the Overheating Laptop

2010-03-02T14:55:00.000+05:30

Hey buddies. I am sorry for not updating this blog regularly... and I know I have apologized for this in last so many posts.

This time, like most of the times, I bring to you a piece from the Great Indian Jugaad. Sometimes, I wonder if I should rename my blog on lines of Jugaad Something etc.

So, there is this laptop. It was not functionining properly I must say. It kept overheating and shut itself off every half hour. Apparently, the fan was working but was unable to keep the laptop cool.

Now! The user did not really have time to take the laptop for repairs. So, what did he do? He decided to provide some external fanning to the bloody machine. He positioned the laptop right at the mouth of the room's air conditioner... in a way that the AC air entered directly into the laptop striking its engine (I know you understand what I mean). And, it worked! Ever since this was done, the laptop functioned wonderfully well... just like new I must say.

The funny bit is that the user had to do that during winters... working while wrapping himself in the fattest of quilts. Check out the arrangements. There is a stool... with two pillows... and the lappy. Check out the angle of the AC vents. Cool enough?

The Papaya Saver

2010-02-09T01:01:00.001+05:30

Buddies, very long time since my last post. I apologise to whomsoever concerned. I was too occupied with the other blog. Moreover, I have been sitting at home since last so many months; therefore, don't get too many opportunities to click.

Now, to this post. I could dedicate my whole blog to the Indian Jugaad and still ask Google for some more space. This time around I bring something from inside a house. Now, don't ask whose house - can't tell.

In this house, I was passing by the dining table when I saw papaya. I like papaya. Apparently, this was a well-protected papaya. No germs/dust/water/air could spoil it. There was a covering on it of course... which later turned out to be a... damn... shower cap!

Man, it's been hours since I saw that... and am still wondering if the cap was a used one. Did it have hair in it? Soapy? yuck yuck!

Woh Meeting

2009-12-24T02:58:00.000+05:30

I am quiet.

I have no words. For the first time, I find myself unable to describe an image. This one just does not give me ideas.

No more talking... you just jump on to it... so many charges, by the way. Oh yeah, for those who can't figure out what the second line means, this post was never meant for you.

PS: This is in a Desi Bar.

Garbage Truck

2009-12-08T11:58:00.000+05:30

As you should have been able to guess, this post is about a garbage truck.

Have you ever seen a garbage truck that looks like garbage itself? This truck apparently kept dropping its contents on the road, looked like a big and mobile piece of $^&%$, and had a giant piece of metal protruding from it. Is that a door? I don't know what to make out of the spectacle.

What the hell is this? It's pretty scary; isn't it?

Need to thank Mr. Chintu Bajaj (my mama + friend) for getting this pic for the blog.

Leanable

2009-11-26T01:04:00.000+05:30

Uses of trees?

- for fruits
- for timber
- for oxygen
- for charcoal
- for medicines
- for fixing punctures...

Phew in Loo

2009-11-14T18:54:00.002+05:30

[I thank my friend Sean Bernardino for getting this pic for this blog... from Jaipur!]

Okay! So, I have been wondering what exactly needs to be done. Consider the word 'flash'. What does it mean?

Let's look at some of the dictionary meanings and if they fit into my context:

a. A sudden burst of radiant energy: This can't be it. The energy has already been released.

b. A momentary brightness: This makes no sense what so ever.

c. A short vivid experience: Ummm... that was a experience... right... but what to use of that experience?

d. A gawdy display: Yes. May make sense... but the display has already been displayed.

e. Superficial, vulgar showiness: Yes. No. Maybe. I dont know. The vulgarity has been shown. What now?

Phew! I dont know what the hell is supposed to be done. No meaning fits here.

Can someone tell me what exactly is to be used in this loo?

But Why?

2009-11-06T16:49:00.000+05:30

The truckers act smart and cool by writing all sorts of poems and stories on the trucks... acceptable.

The bikers act smart and cool by displaying funky text on whatever little space they have... acceptable.

The carwallas doing the same stuff... also acceptable.

But... how can the police vehicles get into all this?

The Menu Man

2009-11-01T23:01:00.002+05:30

Hello friends. This time I bring to you something from the Ferozeshah Kotla Cricket Stadium. I went for the India-Australia ODI... and it was great fun drubbing the Aussies.
o
During the lunch break, I did something ordinary—went on a lookout for food. Two minutes of walking led me to the food stall. There, I saw something amazing... a great idea. Really out-of-the-box!

The menu was printed on the vendor's shirt. So.. no asking... only ordering.

The pic quality isn't that great... but enough to capture the point.

Status Message

2009-10-27T14:29:00.000+05:30

This should well be considered an act of treachery. I am going to make fun of my own friend this time.

You all know those 'status' messages right... the same ones that you leave on orkut, facebook and other social networking sites. Example: 'Happy', 'Unwell', 'Learning new things about life', 'I am blah's blah', etc etc.

So, this friend of mine left a status message on his gtalk ID. Let me give you that message first... (PS, I have erased the name and the pic for obvious reasons).

Next, we discuss this message. This guy has had three accidents in last 4 months... and his life was saved in two out of the three accidents...

So, what happened on the third instance?

Chee Chee

2009-10-16T00:21:00.003+05:30

What comes to your mind if you are to visualize 'metro construction'? A road... narrowed down... with boards (like huge fences, blockades or whateva you call them)... covering the work going on. Really? Are those boards supposed to keep us from seeing whatever is happening inside? I dont think so... at least now.

This man explained that those huge boards are there because there are no walls next to the road. 'Walls', I thought? But then understood what he meant.

Ok... This may seem ordinary.... But, friends, this is right in the middle of moving traffic. This is not a lane or a place where vehicles are parked... this is action in the middle of action. Chee chee chee.

Diwali Mela Tent Wala

2009-10-12T01:03:00.001+05:30

I went to our local Diwali Mela today. It was all about some food stalls, a couple of game stalls, and a stage where some random singers were putting up a tawdry show. And yes, everything inside a huge tent... like it is in marriages.

I was only interested in food, so I headed to the food stalls behind the stage. On my second bite at some fries, I saw some paper stuck on the back end of the tent. This is what I saw:

Being the curious guy I am, I had to find out what it was all about. I went near only to realize it was something that I had never seen before... not on a tent! It was an emergency exit.... like... you rip the tent and exit in case of emergency.

On second thoughts, if there is really an emergency... people would not really care for those signs... they'd just exit from all directions.

Really?

2009-10-04T12:17:00.000+05:30

What is love?

No matter how many people you ask this question, there isn't going to be a unique answer.

People describe love differently. However, one aspect that has been found common in everybody's definition of love is 'care'.

Love is to care.

Now! That scares me. This is because there is this guy who loves me... but doesn't care for me.

Why o god why?

I Said No

2009-09-28T00:53:00.001+05:30

No time to blog. Champions Trophy and freelance assignments are keeping me nicely busy. So, I have a quickie for you.

We all know about the existence of office politics. It's there! Often, it pops up in watercooler conversations. However, has it ever been this explicit? I was at an office recently. They had our subject all over their walls.
0

Monkey on the Wall

2009-09-20T11:06:00.000+05:30

Monday morning and it's time to go work. A 40-second journey in the lift and am at the ground floor. A 1-minute walk to the car... but halted in between.

Wait a minute! What is this monkey doing in our building? On that wall. Why does he look like a human? No; it can't be a human.

I have the following reasons to believe he's a monkey:

- His posture reminds me of a monkey.

- He's sitting in that position on a thin slab.

- He is doing that on a Monday morning.

- He is staring in all directions.

- He's basking in the sunlight.

- He looks to be a little crazy to sit there.

I know I may be exaggerating... but I feel like doing it.

Over Ambitious

2009-09-17T01:34:00.002+05:30

Teacher: Bachcho, tum kya banna chahte ho?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Giggu: Mam Scientist

Teetak: Madame Painter

Sbabarat: I'd like to become an engineer

Kukmu: Singer

Jabbar: Man Cricketer

Kekdi: Mam Actor

Tempo: ?

?

?

?

?

Note: It was so tough getting this pic. It was 1 am in the night and this guy wasn't slowing down. And my camera refused to click a good pic in mobility. I had to continuously honk at this guy for a minute... after which he stopped and walked toward me to check what the %^#$&^$ was my problem. I asked him the way to my homeplace, Surajkund. lol. He explained the way and drove away... but not before I could get this pic in!

-Just to tell you about the dangers of this 'weird' journo job.

Le Li Button Ki

2009-09-13T21:21:00.001+05:30

How do you know a button on the shirt is going to come off? Simple - the classic symptom is loose thread in the button cavity.

Have you had days with such symptoms?

I saw this gentleman weaing a shirt. He was fat and his shirt was struggling real hard. Worst of the lot were the buttons on that shirt. They were dead desperate to come off. Not one, not two, not three... but all the 4 buttons were dying.

They were all under real pressure. I took the pic but could capture the agony of only 3 of the 4 butons. Notice the loose threads on all the buttons (you need to concentrate hard to get the point I am trying to make. All the buttons on this guy's shirt are coming off)

PS: These buttons said something to me. I have written their testimony on the other blog, at: http://dusht-ka-drishtikone.blogspot.com/2009/09/button.html

Homely Bottle

2009-09-08T23:55:00.000+05:30

I am not in a straight-to-the-point kind of mood. So, instead of telling you the 'subject' of this post, I am going to describe it.

There are 6 hints I will give you (numbered 1-6 below). I urge you to guess what I am talking about in as few a hints as you can. Read one hint... think... guess... take your time... and then move to the other. Here goes:

1. It is a special purpose vehicle.

2. It usually bears the word 'pyau'.

3. It spills 60% of its content.

4. It leaves a 'wet' trail on the road.

5. It carries drinking water to residential colonies, fields, factories etc.

6. It is ofter referred to as a 'tanker'.

Here is how I judge you:

Got the answer in the 1st hint? - You're a damn liar. The first was not even a hint; it was a teaser.
2nd? - You know your Hindi well. But you had more than one options in mind. Didn't you?
3rd? - You're smart.
4th? - You drive.
5th? - You're aware of the problems faced by waterless colonies.
6th? - You're crazy. Sixth is not a hint; it's the answer itself.

Now to the point, this thing that I want to talk about is a 'tanker'. I saw one on the Mathura road day before. This tanker probably carried drinking water (I hope so). The thing to note about it was the homely atmosphere it served people water in.

That's because there wasn't any tap on it... there was a bottle... a homely bottle...

Nothin In Dustbin

2009-09-06T11:45:00.001+05:30

Please do not act mean,
Please keep your city clean,

Do not throw stuff here and there,
It becomes the cleaner's nightmare,

Throw everything in dustbin,
From a paper to a pin,

This simple rule you need to follow,
Even if the damn dustbin is hollow!

This dustbin ahas a strong support structure on the side... but nothing to hold the kooda in. The photograph has been taken from a slightly wrong angle—the dustbin is actually in air and not on floor. It does not have a base. So, what goes in, comes out!

Thanks: I thank Madhulika a.k.a Dusted for getting this photo for the MittiSher.

Ice Cream or His Dream?

2009-09-04T00:17:00.003+05:30

The Delhi summers are tough. That's a fact. They make you want ice creams post dinner. That's a myth! Actually, we enjoy ice creams more in winters!

Nevertheless, here's the situation. You had a yummy meal of kebabs and what-nots. The only thing that could complete the meal is an ice cream. I picture the local vendor when there's ice cream in my thoughts. So, to continue, you make that effort to go out and visit the vendor. The walk is exciting! There's hope of ice cream in extremely near future.

You reach the vendor... but... find him dead! Is he really dead? He looks like. Or just sleeping? He looks likes that as well. The vendor even has this white light concentrating on his body. It's like a halo out of nowhere in the orange of the streetlight. He looks cute while sleeping.

So, here's the question. What to do? Do you wake him up? Your ice cream or his sleep? His sleep or his livelihood?

Ek Kutta Bhejna

2009-09-01T00:30:00.004+05:30

Tring Tring... Hello... "Yaar teen chaar machliyaan bhejna"
o

Tring Tring... Hello... "Bhaiya, 2 kgs ka Pug bhej do"
o

Tring Tring... Hello... "Sir, ek chhota khargosh please. Here's the address..."
o

Guess what. There are no delivery charges. Order animals NOW.
o

That's unheard of... delivering animals to home? really? Pet shop hai ya ration ki?

Chariot of Tyre

2009-08-29T22:49:00.006+05:30

Mahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabhaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrraat!

Why don't I ask you to close your eyes and imagine something from Mahabharat... Do it...

Of the scenes that played in your mind, I assume there was one related to the battlefield. Millions of soldiers with swords, arrows, elephants, chariots etc etc.

The other day, I did not need to close my eyes to play any such scene. The scene was right before me. I saw it live... for real. I saw a chariot near Okhla (a place in Delhi). I could not believe my eyes. There was a charioteer who was doing his job... and the person aboard was surveying the vicinity. What more, the chariot was moving apace the routine traffic.

I am sure that a soldier from the Mahabharat would have had a deja vuu on the sight.

PS: As you see, the chariot man stared at us photographing him. He did not take out his bow n arrow; so, I assume, he was okay with it.

What Kind of Flesh?

2009-08-27T11:13:00.004+05:30

Everybody is scared of swine flu. It's made to become a big deal. Anyways, recently, at a government bank, I was really impressed by these hand-written safety measures for prevention of swine flu. I have clicked the paperwork they have on their walls.

Hmmm, most of the stuff seems to be what we hear everywhere. However, there is one point that I did not know the existence of. It is this last point in this 'precaution list'. It says 'apne muh par maas lagaye'.

Now, 'maas' means flesh. There is ambiguity here. They have not specified which maas... our own (supposedly human) flesh or animal flesh? I don't like this. The confusion continues because even if it were animal flesh, is it raw or cooked? Roasted? Fried?

Oh yes, which animal? I need answers.

And, finally, why, when the world prescribes mask, they are prescribing maas? I need answers.

Wagon R, What is this Yaar?

2009-08-25T01:43:00.005+05:30

Have you seen a kid at work with sketch pens in hand? Kids destroy stuff. They leave their mark. They do all the things I hate to look at.

While I was travelling in and around Khanpur, I saw something I hated. It seemed a kid's work... with sketch pen. But, wasn't it misplaced? I thought. I mean the number plate on your car is supposed to be a serious deal. How can you let a kid do the number plates for you.

Arz kiya hai:

Duur se dekha toh laga calligraphy,

Paas gaye toh mila higgledy-piggledy.

PS: I hope the owner does not get to know about all this. He will send me a notice for defamation. But, come to think of it, he will get even that written by his kid. So, it's ok.

Kiling Machines

2009-08-22T14:52:00.007+05:30

You want these!

In Okhla, next to Shithole Pvt. Ltd, I saw this shop. Please don't ask me about Shithole Ltd now; that's a separate story I'll take up later. Okay, so back to the shop, they had a banner kind of thing outside. The banner meant to tell us what the shop was all about.

I read it... and man! These guys are into such a huge thing! It's a killer work they are doing. I cannot believe such people/things even exist.

Okay, let me break the suspense I tried to build—The guys kill offices. I don't know what that means; but it sounds nice, doesn't it? I urge you to meet the sellers of Whole Saler Office Killing Item.

PS: I checked what the hell they were into. The guy came up and said, 'office CLEANING items'.

Ghatge, Zara Hatke

2009-08-19T20:36:00.002+05:30

You buy tickets to the latest movie, wear cool clothes, and take your family to one of the huge multiplexes. That's where your movie will be screened. There's time before the show, and you could take a walk. So, while walking, you could even observe a thing or two.

What if that observation is a nasty one? As nasty as Sunny Paaji becoming a female... or even our Chak De girl turning into a male?

In Saket, in one of the malls, this hoarding was placed to tell us about this upcoming movie.

Does Sunny Paaji play Sagarika's role; or vice versa? I am confused. I mean they must have spent millions on this. I ask how?

PS: For those who know about Sunny Paaji's latest controversy and the 200 crore lawsuit, will he file another?

Brain's Curd

2009-08-17T14:27:00.008+05:30

The Independence Day saw my dependence on watching a movie for passing time. I went to the movie parlor hoping I'd find something cool... and cool is exactly what it didn't turn out to be.
o
My eyes surveyed the racks full of past and present Bollywood. There was nothing I was being able to find... but I continued searching.

Suddenly, the eyes stopped. They could go no further. This particular movie had a name that could not ring any data despite persistent raking in my brain. What kind of movie was this? I, being a movie lover, saw a blow to my ego for not being able to track its roots. How come I didn't know about it.

Anyways, once hurt, I clicked the pic of the movie. Probably, you guys have heard about it:

What kind of name is that? Anyways, do you see that text in Hindi on the right-hand side? It is a WARNING. I zoomed and clicked it too.

Bull!

Babe Site

2009-08-15T11:26:00.007+05:30

I salaam to the growth of the Internet. It is very obvious I don't need to talk about how important the Internet has become to us. Even an auto-rickshaw can prove it.

I will certainly come straight to the point. Next to The Ambience Mall in Gurgaon, I saw an auto-rickshaw. This rickshaw had a 'police help center' kind of information painted at the back. Due to the lack of plain surface, the advertisement is a little tedhi-medhi.

However, leave aside the surface, a word is not correctly written. It should sound like 'Website' or 'Wabesite'... but it sounds like 'Bavesite'. The painter messed up in the placement of व and ब
o
Also notice how each inch of the available space has been utilized. The last thing to notice is that this Web address does not end with '.Net'... but 'Net.'
o

Chappal Doner

2009-08-13T13:19:00.004+05:30

This one's not too cool, but I clicked it anyway.

So, in PVR Saket, I had a long-distance view of a Doner Kabab shop. I could read the board but couldn't see the activities inside the shop. I went closer... only to realize the following types of Doner Kababs on sale:

- Kolhapuri Doner

- Ballerina Doner

- High Heels Doner

- Flat Doner

- Bag n Belt Doner

etc etc. The shop had been taken by a chappal seller. The old board, however, still existed.

Itnaaaa?

2009-08-10T23:45:00.004+05:30

Warning: This post is not for vegetarians... especially those who don't even want to look at non-veg. **not for you Tutu**

Do you often complain about less quantity of food per plate given by restaurants? I complain a lot. My size asks for more. My appetite asks for more. You take it for granted that any quantity is less quantity for me.

But, you know, once, some years ago... I got bemused. The restaurant gave me more per plate.... more than my appetite!

This happened in the end of 2006 (pretty old pic). I had gone to an Old Delhi restaurant (Nazaqat Fried Chicken) for some cool food. I asked for their usual, the fried chicken. This man came and left a plate in front of me. You call that plate? It was a hell bowl of chicken. It looked like the chicken pieces would fall off from all directions in case of an earthquake. Anyways, here's what I got. It is not a plate of chicken; it's a pile of chicken.

Horen Pleej

2009-08-07T01:38:00.003+05:30

Terrible!

This is really the same old story. Same old trucks with disgusting ways of spelling things. I think all these great spellers have studied from the Bijuria school of Thumka Lagaike TR (Truck Writing). PS: No such school exists.

Do they even realize what difference their spellings can make. Come'on. These are great Gurjars. Why would you ever want to grate them?

Ladeej Bhashroom Sign

2009-08-04T13:36:00.004+05:30

Standing in front of the loo; how do you identify the door to open? Ofcourse, by the sign on the door vis-a-vis the sexuality you bear. Let go of the sexuality bit, I can talk about the signs on the door.

There are lots of washroom signs that help us identify the door to PUSH or PULL. These washroom signs come in different sizes, shapes, colors, and what not. One such washroom sign was seen in a dhaba.

This sign was different; it had been painted. It looked attractive. It even had an arrow coming out of the hair of the woman to point at the direction of the door.

PS: We looked for a similar sign for men's loo. A further investigation revelaed that there was no such thing as washroom for men in their part of the world. They didn't know it's not there even in our part of the world.

Use Diaper After Food

2009-07-29T23:29:00.003+05:30

I made a trip to Chandigarh to do what I love the most - watch a cricket match. Well, on the way, our group stopped to have some dhaba food. Isn't it obvious we had paranthas and dahi and white makhan and achaar—all those things that we associate with good life. Oh yeah, please top it up with a chai.

Okay, so once all of the above edibles have successfully passed the food pipe, what next? Obviously, you use the tissues a.k.a napkins to clean you hands.

Wait... What's this on the pack of tissues a.k.a napkins? Is this a pack of diapers or what? How can a packet like this bear such an image?

By the way, it is indeed a look, new to the eye.

Male-2-Male

2009-07-26T13:13:00.005+05:30

Saturday's newspaper carried a pamphlet. It was about accupressure massage services... on sale of course...

What does a male think on reading the word massage? Nothing much... but starts seeing a panoptic view of a dictionary that has only the following words - womanly, sensual, energizing, rousing, charging, stirring, man-o-man, touching etc etc. That's called the dictionary of aphrodisiac. Okay, going back to Saturday morning, I continued reading the pamphlet.

Boooooooooooooom... There was a note at the bottom. The dictionary suddenly changed to accommodate words like damnit, o shit, watt d $%#%^. Here's the pamphlet.

Male to Male???????????????????? But why?

The Left Foot Left

2009-07-21T19:09:00.007+05:30

I saw a cool scooterist. Even though that word does not exist in the dictionary, Indians use it to refer to the scooter drivers.
kk

Ok, coming back to my scooterist; he seemed to be a middle-aged man... wearing matching shirt and pant... on his scooter on the MB road... busy with his daily chores... He seemed like any other scooterist except for one thing. What could that be? Well, his left foot was not where is was supposed to be. It was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the right foot felt quite lonely down there.

kk
On a closer look I realized where his left foot was... This guy was sitting on his left leg... and was driving with some criss-cross positioning of the legs that I find hard to explain in this foreign language. Check out for youself in the pics.
kk

Ravi Will Do It

2009-07-18T21:48:00.007+05:30

Ok! I loved this one.

You must have seen such boards more than often. So, what's the big deal about them? Well, there is one about the board on view. If you notice, arrangement has been misspelled so badly that it gives a whole new meaning to the idea.

Man, they even have specializations.

Would you like to get the court order? Home facilities are available.

No Golgappaing

2009-07-16T01:03:00.005+05:30

I am going to tell you about a golgappa seller; a sad golgappa seller. This person can be spotted in the Sec 18 market Noida. The problem with the guy is that he does not have customers. Apparently, no one stops/stands at his thela. This means that the business is suffering.

Unfortunately, he has no clue why, despite making amazing golgappas and chaat, he has had no customers. He has positioned himself comfortably in a cool corner in a cool market under a cool board.

Still, there's no business. What exactly is the problem friends?

Daroo Sharoo

2009-07-13T10:43:00.003+05:30

Absolutely! That is indeed the name of a wine shop!

Can someone be more literal?

Stop, Look, Go

2009-07-12T11:32:00.004+05:30

I felt a conflict few days ago. This was the conflict between what I was taught and what actually happened.

I have been taught that in a traffic signal, Red means STOP, Yellow means LOOK, and Green means GO. Also, at any given point of time, people will be doing only one of the three things. This is exactly what I have been made to believe throughout my driving career.

However, all this got shattered when I saw some people doing all the three things simultaneously.

They stopped, looked and goed (went) simultaneously,

They stopped, looked and goed (went) simultaneously.

I could not quite understand why until I looked at the signal... damn, all three lights were on.

Donkey Car

2009-07-10T21:25:00.004+05:30

Hello. The picture quality isn't good this time. But I hope you get the point.

Some years ago, in Allahabad, I saw a unique car. It had exceptional load-carrying abilities. It's the one in the pic.

It carried humans inside and luggage outside.

Naaariyal Le Lo

2009-07-09T09:06:00.003+05:30

Venue: Old Fort Lake

That's where I was found boating last weekend. Lots and lots of families were on sight. It looked like 90% of water was covered with boats... and boating rights for the rest 10% were being sold.

Amidst the brouhaha of families, there was one boat that caught my attention. And why's that?

That boat was being manhandled by a coconut seller... a lone man, selling his coconuts to people on water...

I think that's a brilliant idea - people buy more when they are happy! I am sure he makes good money. Sales guys always catch up.

PS: He was nice enough to pose for me. Notice the coconut tray in front of him.

Animal Rites

2009-07-07T17:18:00.008+05:30

I was at the Delhi zoo recently. Things had changed considerably since the last time I was there. People have been asked to behave like humans while animals are expected to be themselves.

There are a number of signboards all around—each tells you how to behave in the zoo and DOs and DONTs next to the cages etc.

Bottom line being, animals, too, have a life and we humans need to respect it!

I got the point... but just when I got it, I saw a monkey who had been asked to do what you see in the photo... carry a dustbin all around... is that really fair? especially in the zoo?

Do Not Argue

2009-07-06T22:18:00.005+05:30

Hi. Good evening.

This morning, I went to a high-profile gym in Charmwood Village. Apparently, the fees has been revised since last month.

There is a hike of about 300 rupees per month. Unfortunately, no one will voice a concern against the hike. People have clearly been asked to keep away from arguments.

Groping Session

2009-07-05T10:28:00.006+05:30

Heard of anyone who can touch his/her nose with his/her tongue? Well... you are actually reading from someone who could do that.

Arz kiya hai:

Touching someone else's nose with your tongue is a common fact,

Touching one's own nose with that same tongue is a rare act.

I don't know if this feat actually carries a scientific or Indian notion attached... Does anyone of you know about it? At the max, we can say - Uski zabaan bahut lambi hai. But, nothing beyond that.

I did a bit of searching and found out the following:
http://www.wikihow.com/Touch-Your-Nose-With-Your-Tongue

Did that help? Can you touch youself there (in Bryan Adams' words) now?

Looking at the image, the thing that struck me was - Yeh to bada toing (tongue) hai!

Alcoholic

2009-07-01T17:56:00.004+05:30

Do dogs drink beer? Do dogs go talli?

Apparently, next to a beer shop in Gurgaon, a dog was seen out of its senses. As you can see in the photo, there are a couple of beer bottles next to that dog.

Well, it's really easy to jokingly blame the beer for the state of the dog. Right? Actually, it is the beer that's caused all this.

However, that beer resides not in the stomach of the dog... but the man who kept his beer bottles next to a sleeping dog to make the photo look like this.

Coinicidentally, the man even clicked the photo to use it on a day like today.

PS: The man thought it will be easy to sell the fact that dog drank that beer. Not today.

Hard Worker

2009-06-30T14:45:00.004+05:30

Here's my man.

The one who works hard on duty... and even harder in sleep. This creature was located right at the entrance of one of the offices in Okhla. Look at the image carefully. I'm sure you realize he is sleeping after a tiring time at work. However, there is more about his sleep.

If you notice, he is exactly at the entrace, manning the gate... even in sleep. If a person enters, he'll obviously get to know; and since he will know who all entered, he will successfully be performing his duties. Psst: He spotted me when I trespassed.

Isn't that really cool? He works while sleeping... and sleeps while working! On second thought, he's been considerate enough to leave space for someone to pass through... and maybe brush his leg... pushing on the wake-up alarm.

Now that's what I call a calculated sleep.

The Machine

2009-06-29T17:46:00.005+05:30

Hello.

Today, I'm going to talk about a machine... a special machine... This machine had always been treated like a coffee vending machine in the NIIT office. I did the same, until one day, when I saw its cleaning manual stuck behind the door.

The moment I read the manual, I was quiet for 5 minutes. I had learnt something about the machine... a secret. It was not a coffee machine but an out-of-the-world invention. I felt disgusted that such a cool eqipment was being used to take coffee, tea and soup. Damn! People even cursed the machine for the ill taste of the edibles it delivered.

What I read in the manual did not let me sleep that night. What could it have been? What did I get to know about the machine?

Till today, I have not forgotten the manual. I took the image of the manual that day. Take a look at the image.

Do you too realize it's not a closed door vending machine... but a lovely closed door 'wedding' machine.

Wanna get married?

2009-06-28T20:20:00.000+05:30

Okay. Here I go again. I am putting another image for my readers (if any). I clicked this one in Allahabad.

I was crossing the road and saw a police board right across. When I read the message, I couldnt quite understand what it meant. Take a look at the image. I mean it's not some place where people have habits that need to be curtailed through such lawful messages. I wonder why...

However, I am sure there must be something.

Fattu Graphy

2009-06-28T15:16:00.000+05:30

This had to happen. I had to write one day.

But it turns out, I am not in a mood to write today. Okay, let's begin with an image.

Check the image out. This is an advertisement I saw on some wall in some town in some state of our beloved motherland.

I think it's a great piece of advertisement. Check out the wits involved. Do not forget to notice the key (to the darwaza) and the good morning. I wonder what those windows are doing there.

Anyways, I leave you at that. I'll see you again.